


let the world be quiet

by realbutnotsopure



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, The Inquisitor isn't great with emotions, but some nice things are said too, cullen isn't great at dealing with them either, some hurtful things are said
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-09-17 10:58:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9320573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/realbutnotsopure/pseuds/realbutnotsopure
Summary: Despite what people think, the Inquisitor doesn't really want to be the Inquisitor. Cullen can’t say he blames her.





	

It was the morning sun that woke Cullen from his sleep, warming his exposed torso and softly pulling him from his dreams. The sun was shining through the old windows, through his eyelids. He gradually woke up and ran a hand over his face, before gazing at his surroundings. The first rays of sunshine had found their way into the Inquisitor’s bedchamber and they lit up the room, the dust becoming visible and the formed glass of the window left shadows on the walls.

 Cullen moved to hide his face in the Inquisitor’s neck and his arm reached across the bed.  

She wasn’t there. Frowning slightly, he opened his eyes and gazed more carefully around the room, his hand shielding his eyes. The bed was undone on her side and Cullen only spotted his clothes, which lay scattered all around the bed. Rubbing his eyes, he tried to erase the drowsiness and think of where she might have gone. She was leaving today, but Maker, she wouldn’t have left before he woke up. She wouldn’t have. But before Cullen could bury himself under the covers again or run through Skyhold shouting for her, he spotted her, and the sinking feeling in his stomach dissolved.

The Herald of Andraste was standing on the balcony, leaning against the railing, her hair braided down her back and her shoulders low, her face resting on her hands. The blinding sun had hid her from his sight but as he rose from the bed he could clearly see her hunched profile. Cullen quickly scanned the room for his pants and pulled them on. His bare feet hurt due to the cold stone floor as he left the room and joined her.

Perhaps it was a proof of how much trust there was between them that when he arrived at her side, she didn’t acknowledge him in any way other than moving her head to rest on him. When she’d first joined them, all those months ago, she had jumped and every touch and tensed as soon as someone came near. She, who had been gripping her weapon with white knuckles underneath her cloak whenever she spoke to strangers, who had taken her long time before trusting anyone, simply lay her head on him. He wrapped his arms around her, “Are you cold, Inquisitor?”

She tensed for a second before relaxing and snorting, “I’m the one of us who’s wearing clothes, Commander. Aren’t _you_ cold,” she replied.

 He rested his head on hers, “I’m alright.”

 They were both silent for a minute, watching the ice covered valley down below, both enjoying the silence they so rarely got to hear. He asked the question he knew the answer to. “You’re leaving today?”

 “Yes,” she replied in a slightly tight voice. Cullen hugged her closer.

 “The Western Approach,” he mumbled. She didn’t reply. They were both aware of the fact that as much as they could pretend otherwise, she would be gone for quite a while. And she would be quite far away. The morning sun didn’t feel as warm outside and Cullen had lost feeling in his bare feet a long time ago. He felt how the woman in front of him seemed slightly tense. Shivering slightly, Cullen looked down at her and lightly pulled on her braid, “Let us go inside.”

 Cullen couldn’t help but notice that when she turned, there was no smile on her face, not did she lean on him or grasp his hand on the way back in. He felt a small panic but then got annoyed with himself. He silently scolded himself on the way back inside for thinking that she needed to shower him in affection constantly. He passed her and went to work trying to find his lost clothes. But it wasn’t until Cullen came out from under the bed, with his shirt grasped in one hand that he noticed that she stood quite rigid, refusing to look at him.

 “Inquisi-” She shook her head and continued to stare at the floor as if it had done her a great offence. Cullen felt a bit lost and unconsciously rubbed the back of his neck. Dropping his shirt on the bed, he approached her, ready to comfort her in any way she needed, but he didn’t come close before she stepped away from him. That hurt.

 “What is wrong,” he asked, softly. But the Inquisitor simply shook her head again. There were tears in her eyes, but he couldn’t tell if they were from sadness or anger. Cullen looked helplessly across the room, trying to find something that could help him understand what was wrong. She snorted.

“There’s nothing you can do, Commander,” she said, understanding what he was trying to do. He noticed the use of his title instead of his name.

 He felt a mixture of hurt and anger simmering in him, but he couldn’t act on either of them before he knew what this was about. He slowly approached her again and felt a slight achievement when she didn’t step away. He took her hand, “I can help, but only if you tell me what is wrong.”

She hesitated but then snarled, “Perhaps it’s not your help I want,”

 She pulled back her hand and Cullen felt torn between continuing trying to offer comfort and crying because he felt utterly hopeless in this situation.

 “What do yo-”

 “I need to go,” she said abruptly, interrupting him and moving to leave. He knew that if she left now, things would be different when she came back so he quickly stepped before her, blocking her exit and sending her an apologizing look when her eyes narrowed. “No, please. Inquisitor, don’t go yet.”

 “Don’t call me that.” There was fire in her eyes and Cullen backed down.

 “Okay,” he replied, holding his hands up, as if surrendering. “Okay, but what is wrong? Truly.”

 The tears in her eye were threatening to spill now, “The problem is that I now must go on another long journey to fix other people’s problem before coming back here and doing all the other things that needs to be done, because, apparently, I’m the only one who can fix them.” A pause. “And I’m tired, Cullen. I’m so tired.”

 Relieved at the use of his name and that she finally talked to him, Cullen couldn’t, at first, think of anything to say. They were both quiet for a while before Cullen spoke, “You have every right to feel this way, okay. You have so much responsibility, it’s bound to crush you. But I’m here for you, okay. No matter what. And I know you wish that things were different bu-”

 

“Not _things_. This. I wish I wasn’t the Inquisitor. I wish none of this would have happened.”

 

 _Ow_. Cullen struggled to breathe for a moment as the meaning of her words hit him. But instead of crying or saying something hurtful back, he remained quiet, while searching for the words to reply. She seemed to have sensed what she’d said for she watched him carefully. He searched for something in her face that would explain what she said and why she said it. For a second he saw a flicker of it on her face and the tension in his shoulders left. He whispered her name, softly. She, instead, went rigid as a board.

 “Inqui-”

 But he hadn’t finished addressing her with the wrong title when she suddenly pushed past him and disappeared down the stairs.

\--–––

 

_“She’s back.”_

Cullen had decided that he would let her seek him out, let her take the time she needed. Not force her to talk to him the moment she returned, as he so desperately wanted. But when Dorian, in passing, mentioned that she was in the courtyard the very moment, Cullen found himself running towards the courtyard, pushing past Inquisition soldiers and other recruits in his haste to get there. She was standing with Cassandra, talking to Leliana, her face and posture tired but with a straight back and her Inquisitor face on. She nodded at something Leliana said and then she spotted him.

Cullen realized that he was standing in the middle of the stairs, openly staring at her. He closed his mouth and rubbed the back of his neck, slightly embarrassed. But when he looked at her again, she was heading towards him, her face set but no trace of anger visible.

She stopped before him, and her face went from determined to pleading and almost scared in a second. “Cullen…” she looked at him helplessly before collecting her thoughts. “Do you have a moment?”

 She was asking, not demanding, but Cullen had never been able to refuse her anything. He nodded and she opened her mouth again. She’d never been bothered by having an audience when she declared her love but Cullen felt that maybe they shouldn’t have one right now. He sent her look and took her hand, rushing up the stairs, receiving a lot of glances and some suggestive comments. By the time he had pulled her into an empty room and had closed the door, there were tears in her eyes.

She opened her mouth, but he beat her to it, “You don’t need to explain, love. It’s… It’s alright. Uh, I understand.”

 But she shook her head, “Let me say this.”

She looked around as if she was looking for something to help her start. Eventually she spotted a chair and sat him down in it. She took a deep breath and Cullen felt a twinge of affection for his dramatic lover. She stared out the window.

“There are days, or… or moments, when I wish I wasn’t the Inquisitor. That I could regain the life I had and I wish it so intensely it hurts.”

She stopped for a second, before shifting her eyes to meet his. “And then I’m torn, because half of me wishes so strongly that none of this would have happened, while the other part of me hurts at the thought of it, because then I wouldn’t have met _you_.”

They simply looked at each other, she with a nervous and vulnerable expression, and he with a helpless one. Cullen felt a sudden urge to cry , his chest hurt with love for the woman before him. He wanted to say it back, to construct his sentences so that she too would know what she meant to him, but words were never his strong side.

“Me too,” he exclaimed. She glanced questioningly at him. He spluttered, “I mean- What I mean is that I, uh, feel the same about you.”

 She was smiling now, amused and Cullen felt his cheeks redden. “I mean, in a way. I don’t wish that- Maker’s breath,” he sighed. “I love you too.”

They were both quiet for a moment, just gazing at each other before Cullen suddenly stood and grabbed her. Their mouths met and her hands immediately went to his hair, tousling it.

Cullen tried showing his love for her in a different way and she was panting by the time she pulled back to look at him. She was red in her face and Cullen felt a sudden urge to drag her off somewhere, somewhere with a lock on a functioning door.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, the mirth in her eyes fading and being replaced by sincerity.

He kissed her forehead, “Apology accepted.”

“Yes, it was a good one,” she said, taking his hand and kissing it.

Cullen laughed, “Certainly better than mine.”

  
She laughed at that and leaned forward again, “Well, not to ruin it, but I did practise all the way back to Skyhold.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed<3  
> Comment what you think or let me know what you'd like to read next.  
> Also happy new 2017!!


End file.
